Marriage Takes Work

Eleven years ago, I met my husband.

It happened at a tawny Christmas party in downtown Boston, fondly referred to as the “Tweed and Pearl” party. There wasn’t a great deal of diversity at this gathering, save the variety of Kate Spade bags, so when a tall Asian guy walked into the room, he immediately caught my attention. The party host later introduced us and we discovered we had a lot in common, from taste in music to world travel and future ambitions, we hit it off…of course, the open bar helped a bit too.

Compared to my past long-term relationships, DH was a shining star. I continued to believe that we had more in common than in contrast for quite some time. In fact, I believed it all the way through our engagement and right up to the third-week in to our premarital course, when we took the Myers-Briggs personality test to determine compatibility.

DH and I came out almost completely opposite, I was an ENFJ to his ESTP (and his E was only on the cusp of extrovert and introvert; mine was a no-contest). I was shocked!

But this wasn’t our first red flag. More

Do You Speaka My Language?

I’m married to a really great guy. No, I mean it, he’s a  r-e-a-l-l-y   g-r-e-a-t   g-u-y. He’s an involved father, a loving husband, and a thoughtful son. He’s tall, athletic and easy on the eyes. He has strong ethics, a deep-set of values and is one of the most trustworthy people I’ve ever met. But we don’t always see eye to eye.

Take our ways of expressing love, for example. As I’ve recently leaned—thanks to the good doctor, Gary Chapman, and his exceedingly popular book—I express love through giving things to people (and spending time with them) while DH expresses his love through doing things for others and by giving praise.

Chapman suggests that most of us speak one (maybe two) of five Love Languages: Acts of More

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